To be, or to date?
I recently had a very interesting conversation with my straight, male roommate (we have those a lot). This is sort of how it went:
Me: My Dear Disco was so awesome! Michelle is the best! She’s so cute, and so talented!
Roommate: Let me see a picture!
Me: There aren’t any good ones, but here’s one with a megaphone and sunglasses.
Roommate: …she looks like a guy.
Me: Noooooo! She’s cute, dammit!
Roommate: I don’t get it.
Me: Maybe it’s because I want to be her.
Roommate: I still don’t get it. Why would you want to “be” anyone else? Don’t you want to be yourself? And don’t you mean that you want to be “with” her?
Me: Well, I guess I mean I want to be “like” her. And “with” her…You’re taking my sentence too literally.
Talk to me. Have you ever felt this way? I remember WAY before I even thought about liking girls, I was sitting in a coffee shop with my friend, and I saw the cutest girl ever walk by with a slouchy multi-color hat, boots, and a cute jacket. Nowawdays my gut reaction would be, “OMG she’s so cute, I want to date her immediately.” My reaction then? “[Friend]? Have you ever wanted to “be” somebody else?” She was as confused about this statement as my roommate, and honestly…I’m starting to be confused. Really…WHY IS IT that THIS is the initial reaction? And THAT is the word choice? I don’t actually want to BE anyone else. I like myself, for the most part, and there are few things I would want to change about myself.
This brings me to an issue that I think might concern the problem: lesbians liking other lesbians that look like them. Let me give you a few scenarios:
EXAMPLE 1: Dana and Tonya
This is when I first really experienced this phenomenon outside of my own experience. I was shocked, disgusted, and slightly offended that the two of them got matching suits. I asked myself, “Do people actually do this?” Truthfully though, I just really hated their entire relationship, so maybe I’m just biased.
EXAMPLE 2: Frances in ‘Better Than Chocolate’
Aw, remember Frances? Awwwww. Awkward little Frances that secretly had the hots for her best transsexual friend? Even though she obviously didn’t stick to the must-look-exactly-like-girlfriend thing, she said something along the lines that she had only ever dated, like, 3 girls, and they all looked exactly like her. Did she do that to herself? Was she limiting her options to a specific type?
Ladies, tell me why we think this. There are so many cute girls in the world, and they’re all so different! They have different hair colors, different eye colors, different lips, different cheeks, different…everything, right? I’m not saying that dating someone like you is wrong…but it’s limiting if you analyze the situation, right?…no? It can also be really hot sometimes.
EXAMPLE 3: 2 Girl-Links Getting Cozy
And somehow it’s OK. Part of it might be a whole bunch of narcissism piled into sexual preference and aesthetic value is what I think. What does this mean? That lesbians are all narcissistic? Obviously not…but maybe? THIS IS WHAT I DON’T KNOW. I can’t tell, ladies, because I can say I’m not narcissistic, but I spend SO much time looking at myself in the mirror. Practically every time there’s a mirror within 10-steps, I’m there, pretending like I’m fixing my hair or whatever. In fact, sometimes I don’t even pretend! Sometimes I just stand there I look at myself.
Anyway…share with me stories!