Hello world! I’m gay!

August 28, 2010 at 1:15 pm 5 comments

Hi there! I’m Emily, and I’m a baby-gay!

Because I KNOW you’d be disappointed if I didn’t, I’m going to make my first post about…*drumroll*…my coming out story!

In high school I never had a boyfriend, but I never really WANTED one. Part of that I figured was that all of the boys in my town are losers. I never dated girls, but I knew a lot of lesbians. It never really occurred to me that I might be gay, actually. I always just figured that I wasn’t into dating. Part of that was probably my suppressed sexuality from my Roman Catholic upbringing (yay Catholic guilt!). I was also a top-notch student, and ended up being valedictorian in high school, so I told myself I didn’t have time for boys. Silly me.

Fast-forward to the end of my sophomore year of college. I was dating a short, awkward, trombonist because he was the first boy to ever ask me out on a date (how did I not know I was gay before? hm?). He was super nerdy, really sweet, and took me to coffee and the art museum for our first date. He made blueberry-banana jam with toast for our second date while we watched a God-awful movie on TiVo. He told me I was beautiful and talented all the time. With my equal amount of nerdyness, butterflies should have been spinning around in my stomach. But no such luck.

At the same time I was taking an acting class through the university. While getting to know the people in my class, I knew that I really wanted to become friends with this one girl: Anna. She was super cute and a little awkward (the right balance I think), and she always had the cutest hats and jackets when she came to class. The few conversations I had with her consisted of her explaining her “Sexuality in Ancient Rome” class and her intense love for all things The Legend of Zelda.

I was in love. Every time I saw her I got the butterflies, and there was one day in class where we had to lead a partner around the theatre building by the hand with their eyes closed, and I got all nervous and goosebumpy and felt like I was in middle school or something. I had questioned my sexuality before, but she was the last straw I think. I realized it wasn’t working with Trombonist, so I dumped him as compassionately as I could. You know what he said?:

“But I love you!”

My first thought:

I knew something was different right then. Luckily, I had lots of friends to complain to, and one friend in particular that came to my place with Reese’s cups to tell me that she was gay! Yay! She told me her story about how she knew she was and blahblahblahfeelings, then she said to me with knowing eyes, “Do you want to talk about anything?” Of course, instead of talking about breaking up with Trombonist, I said, “What do you mean by that?!” At that point I couldn’t hide it, so I told her what I’d been sort of thinking. She nodded knowingly and said that she had 3 reasons for coming over:

1) “I knew you’d just broken up with Trombonist, and figured you needed someone to talk to.”

2) “I had something to tell you anyway.” (that she was gay, duh)

3) “I had an inkling about you.”

After that everything went crazy for me. I talked to her about it, then told a few of her gay friends, told my gay best friend, told my straight best friend, made out with a girl at a club (we’re friends now and calls me her little lesbian prodigée), told my mom and sister, and am now back at school ready to be a raging gay.

Everything’s going very well, but my current dilemma is: How to Tell Your Roommates You’re a Lady-Lover. For me, it’s all a matter of JUST FUCKING TELLING THEM. I know they’re fine with it. Two of them probably ARE lesbians, and yet I still can’t seem to just say it. Part of me thinks that I’m waiting for the right moment when I can tell all of them, but that would be fucking cray-cray. Another part of me thinks that I’m just going to let them find out WHICH at this point seems to be what’s happening anyway. If I told them, perhaps I could conveniently use National Coming Out Day and bake a rainbow cake?

A delicious, unhealthy, but possibly successful solution to the puzzle. Let me know what you think! Let me know your coming out stories, delicious cakes you’ve baked, or even how much you love The Legend of Zelda, because then we can definitely be friends.

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Entry filed under: Coming Out. Tags: , .

The Barista

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Emily W  |  October 6, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Hey, Emily! My name is Emily, too! I found your blog through an EffingDykes comment you posted. I love your coming out story! I’m in college, too, and had my coming out story my first year of college.

    About the roommates, my college is so small that once I had my first girlfriend, everyone fucking knew I was gay so I’ve really not had to tell anyone b/c it gets around in 1.2 seconds. So it’s possible that your roommates know already b/c people kinda sense these things, but if not, I understand how that could be nerve-wracking! Just tell them when you feel it’s the right time! But just remember, it’s really not their business and you don’t HAVE to tell them unless you want to! But if you’re open enough with them, you’ll probably find that it just comes out eventually. That’s how I am, anyway.

    Hope that helped! =)

    -Emily

    Reply
    • 2. Emily  |  October 6, 2010 at 7:15 am

      Yaaay! I love EffingDykes! ^o^ I think you’re right, that they might already know, and that it’s not really their business. I’m pretty open though, so you’re probably right that it will/I will come out naturally in the end.

      Thanks for my first comment on the blog!

      Reply
  • 3. Emily W  |  October 6, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    You’re welcome! I also enjoyed looking at the other links you have to blogs you like…it entertained me for a while!

    What college do you go to?

    Reply
    • 4. Emily  |  October 6, 2010 at 11:34 pm

      Ahahaha, I’m glad you enjoyed them. They’re definitely some of my favorite sites. I should actually add more. What was your favorite?

      Eh, I don’t think I’ll say, not because I don’t like you, because I have a feeling that somehow the world is smaller than we think, but let’s just say it’s a super awesome university in the Midwest, and I love it very much. ^_^

      Reply
      • 5. Emily W  |  October 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm

        I really liked Autostraddle and Les Femmes! =) Idk why I hadn’t visited Autostraddle’s full page before; it’s an awesome resource! I had only read Krista’s articles on it. Anyway, thanks!

        Oh, and I totally understand not sharing what school you go to! I was just wondering the vicinity. I live in the South… :/

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